Trans people taking HRT for gender confirmation find that sexual desire changes when they start taking HRT. Trans women report a decrease in sex drive when starting HRT, while trans men report higher libido. Both groups say that eventually, their sex drives return to what they were before starting HRT. Talk to your doctor about how hormone treatments might affect your sex drive over the long term.
What Ages Are Women and Men at Their Sexual Peak?
Sexual peak refers to a period of your life when you are most capable of having frequent sex that is high in quality. Research suggests that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s whereas men peak in their late teens.
Most people have heard the phrase “sexual peak.” It refers to a period of your life when you are most capable of having frequent sex that is high in quality. The notion of a sexual peak implies that the time before and after peak those years, your sex life won’t be as remarkable.
Biologically speaking, there isn’t a clear definition of a sexual peak. People have satisfying sex throughout their adult lives. Sex drive and sexual function change over time, but those changes don’t decrease people’s satisfaction from sex.
According to the groundbreaking books, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, researcher Alfred Kinsey posited that men and women have sexual peaks at different phases of life. His research suggests that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s whereas men peak in their late teens.
This finding from Kinsey’s report remained the conventional wisdom for quite a while. Later, researchers questioned that conclusion. Critics noted that the data Kinsey collected doesn’t tell the complete story.
Kinsey asked people for a measure of when they had the most orgasms. Men reported having a high number of orgasms when they were 17 or 18 years old. Women were more likely to report having regular orgasms when they were over 30 years old.
While that data may be technically correct, it may not be an indication of a biological peak. The statistics may just reflect how often most young men can achieve orgasm, with or without a partner. Many women may require more skilled partners or more experience of their own to achieve orgasm. Many women aren’t adept at communicating their needs to a partner until they have gained some sexual experience. They may be older before they have regular orgasms during shared sex.
When do sex hormones peak?
Hormone levels are another measure of sexuality. Sex hormones generally increase beginning in adolescence. This hormone rise starts at a different time for each individual. Generally speaking, puberty occurs between the ages of 9 and 15. During this period of development, people reach full reproductive maturity. Reproductive hormone levels are at their highest during early adulthood.
Testosterone levels start to decline gradually in men as early as their early 20s. The reduction can decrease libido, less sensitivity in the penis, less intense orgasms, and more time needed to get an erection again after an orgasm. Hormone changes can be responsible for erectile dysfunction as well.
Sex hormone levels also drop in women during their reproductive years. The biggest change comes with menopause when the body ceases menstruating. The loss of reproductive hormones causes lower libido, changes to vaginal tissue, and vaginal dryness.
People who use hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may have a different experience. HRT is known to change libido. Taking set amounts of hormones may result in less fluctuation of hormone levels.
Trans people taking HRT for gender confirmation find that sexual desire changes when they start taking HRT. Trans women report a decrease in sex drive when starting HRT, while trans men report higher libido. Both groups say that eventually, their sex drives return to what they were before starting HRT. Talk to your doctor about how hormone treatments might affect your sex drive over the long term.
When does sex drive peak?
Biological men (cisgender men) without genetic variations or any medical alteration through surgery or medication typically have vigorous sex drive through their early 20s. Reproductive hormones are at their peak, and most people are physically healthy and interested in sex during these years. It’s a cliche to talk about young men having very high sex drives, but it’s also often correct.
Cisgender women generally experience an increase in sex drive later than men. One study reveals that women between 27 and 45 years old report the highest interest in sex and more sexual fantasies than women in other age groups. Women also report having more sex during these years than women of other ages.
When does sexual activity peak?
According to recent research from the Kinsey Institute, people of all ages report having regular sexual intercourse. Still, men between the ages of 25-39 and women aged 20-29 were the most likely to have sex. Frequency of intercourse declines in older age groups.
In other studies, people report higher levels of sexual satisfaction as they get older. Satisfaction doesn’t always mean people have more or better sex. The report correlates with overall attitudes toward sex. People experience more feelings of contentment with the sex lives they have.
Sex is satisfying at all ages
Generally speaking, there is no absolute time when people have a sexual peak. The ongoing research on human sexuality indicates a wide variety of sex drives, sexual activity, and sexual satisfaction. It’s possible to broadly conclude that young, healthy people have the highest hormone levels and are the most likely to have frequent intercourse. Sexual desire and behavior change as people age, but sexual satisfaction often increases, despite those changes.
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References
British Geriatric Society: “Sexual satisfaction of middle-aged and older adults.”
Business Insider: “11 Groundbreaking Findings That Changed How We Think About Sex.”
Journal of Sexual Medicine: “Sexual Behavior in the United States: Results from a National Probability Sample of Men and Women Ages 14–94.”
Journal of Women’s Health and Gender-Based Medicine: “Effects of hormone replacement therapy on sexual psychophysiology and behavior in postmenopause.”
Merck Manual: “Changes in the Body With Aging.” “Effects of Aging on the Male Reproductive System.” “Physical Growth and Sexual Maturation of Adolescents.”
University of Texas at Austin: “Reproduction expediting: Sexual motivations, fantasies, and the ticking biological clock.”
Urology: “Sexual Desire Changes in Transgender Individuals Upon Initiation of Hormone Treatment.”
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Here’s How Much Sex (and What Kind) Everybody Is Having
We have the details on how often, what type, and with how many people.
Published February 7, 2022
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Illustration by Jim Cooke Illustration : Jim Cooke
Take a minute to think about when you had sex for the first time, how much sex you have, and whether you think other people are doing it more or less than you. If this thought experiment makes you feel embarrassed about how much or how little you’re doing it, relax. Chances are, you’re more normal than you think.
First of all, before you start to feel self conscious, however much sex you have is fine. We’re not here to judge. And to the young folks reading this: You’re not a bad person if you’ve done it already, and you’re not a prude or somehow cursed if you keep your pants on until another stage in your life. We’re about to see that there’s a huge range in what’s normal.
That said, if you’re having a lot of unprotected sex and you’re at risk of STDs or pregnancy, then the issue is the lack of protection, not the amount of sex. And if you’re not happy with the relationship you’re in, the amount of sex you’re having might be a factor, but don’t judge yourself (or your partner) based solely on that one thing. You need to look at that relationship in a big-picture way. Are you happy? Why or why not?
Where does this data come from?
Anyway. Back to comparing ourselves to others. This is tricky to do, because you can ask people in surveys, but how do you know they’re telling the truth? One of our best sources of information is the National Survey of Family Growth , administered by the U.S. government’s National Center for Health Statistics to get a handle on all kinds of issues related to sex and reproductive health. They divide up the country into units based on census blocks, choose households within those blocks, and interview one person from each household (so long as they are between the ages of 15 and 44 and agree to be interviewed), and ask them tons of personal questions.
You can see the questionnaire here . A survey worker comes to the person’s house and asks them questions for the first part of the interview; then they hand over their laptop and leave the room while the respondent answers all the personal questions. Those include when they first started having sex, whether they’ve been raped, how many pregnancies they’ve really had, and more. These answers will never be read by a human; the computer locks them away so the interviewer can’t see. This is where we get the answers to the first few questions we’re asking today.
The most recent data available is from the 2017-2019 version of the survey, which means it hasn’t yet captured the ways our sex lives may have changed during the pandemic—but more on that in a bit.
When do people start having sex?
A previous version of this survey found that about half of us have had sex (penis in vagina sex, specifically) by age 17 or so. The most recent data is consistent with that, but the CDC breaks down the numbers into two groups, 15-to-17-year-olds and 18-to-19-year-olds
Screenshot : CDC
In the younger group, 27.6% of girls and 23.3% of boys have had sex. Among 18- and 19-year-olds, those numbers are up to 61.4% and 62.7%. That means if you lost your virginity in your teens, you’re in good company; but if you didn’t, almost 30 percent of Americans are right there with you.
How many sex partners do adults have?
Now let’s look at adults. What’s a normal number of sexual partners to have in your lifetime?
The average number of lifetime opposite-sex partners is 4.3 for women and 6.3 for men, and this question was asked of people aged 25 to 44. Don’t read too much into those exact numbers, though, since most people have slept with more people by age 44 than they had at age 25. With that caveat, here’s the data:
Screenshot : CDC
So even though the average number of opposite-sex partners is around four to six, more than a quarter of men have had 15 or more partners, and so have almost 13% of women. Meanwhile, on the other end of the chart, 17.7% of women and 11.2% of men have only had one partner. Also note that this chart doesn’t tell us how many people have never had any sexual partners, since the question was only asked of people with sexual experience.
We have to look back to a previous edition of the survey to get more detailed data. Here are the numbers from the 2013-2015 survey question about how many partners people had in the previous 12 months:
- No recent sex partners: 7%
- Any number of same-sex partners: 5% of men, 11% of women
- One opposite-sex partner (and no same-sex partners): 73%
- Multiple opposite-sex partners (and no same-sex partners): 14% of men, 6% of women
There wasn’t a direct question for people who had both opposite and same sex partners, but about 2 percent didn’t answer yes to any of the above.
How often do people have sex?
According to another survey, the General Social Survey, there’s no overwhelmingly “normal” amount of sex to have on a regular basis . Here’s the breakdown, as percentages of people who answered the question with a number (leaving off those who didn’t answer or weren’t sure):
- No sex in the past year: 16%
- Once a month: 19%
- Two to three times a month: 23%
- Once a week: 19%
- Two to three times a week: 18%
- More than three times a week: 6%
Frequency of sex changes over a person’s lifetime. As we saw, teenagers and young adults aren’t all having sex, but once they reach their twenties and thirties, they do it plenty.
Despite a lot of buzz about “hookup culture,” young people in 2004-2012 didn’t have any more sex than their counterparts in 1988-1996. They were, however, less likely to be in a steady relationship with the people they slept with.
In old age, people have less sex. Some of this is because older people lose their partners and don’t necessarily start dating again. But being in poor health, or on certain medications, can also make people less interested in sex. Here’s how a Journals of Gerontology study summarized the situation in 2011, using data from two other surveys, the National Health and Social Life Survey and the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project .
- Sexually active: men, 88%; women, 72%.
- Sex per month (if more than zero): men, 7 times; women, 6.5 times.
- Sexually active: men, 72%; women, 45%.
- Sex per month (if more than zero): men, 4.3 times; women, 3.8 times.
What kind of sex are people having?
So what are people getting up to when they get together? These numbers are from people aged 15 to 44:
- Any sex with a same-sex partner: 20.8% of women, 7.3% of men.
- Oral sex with an opposite-sex partner: 82.2% of women, 82.7% of men.
- Anal sex with an opposite-sex partner: 3 5.1% of women, 38.1% of men.
For a different way of looking at the question, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior asked people what sex acts they had done in the past month, past year, and ever in their lifetime. This study was done over the internet, but they selected a sample before approaching anybody with the link to the study. (That makes this different than lazy internet polls where you never know who’s clicking through.) Here’s a summary of the “what did you do in the last 12 months” question, from the 2018 survey . These are adults aged 18 to 49, not separated by gender:
- Masturbated alone: 72.5%
- Masturbated with a partner: 33.8%
- Gave oral: 60.4%
- Received oral: 62.2%
- Penile-vaginal intercourse: 71.9%
- Anal intercourse: 17.8%
For any of these acts, there are plenty of people who do the thing and plenty who don’t do the thing; so no shame in being in either category.
How do we know if people are telling the truth?
You would probably reveal different things about your sexual history to a close friend than a casual one. You might be more willing to be honest on an anonymous web survey—but then again, you might also be more likely to make shit up for fun.
The National Survey of Family Growth is clever with their confidential self-surveying portion, but a British study found that people were more likely to admit to certain things—large numbers of sexual partners, use of drugs—on a web survey than on a survey done privately on an interviewer’s laptop. So we still don’t know what’s most accurate, but if people are lying on these surveys, it’s going to be difficult to find a more accurate source of information.
I ended up searching for a lot of sex-related statistics as I researched this piece, and discovered something unsettling about the results. When I looked for information about how often people have sex, I found plenty of articles assuming I wanted to know how often people should have sex.
You should have sex whenever you please. There’s no shame in doing it a lot or a little! People in unhappy relationships are more likely to have sex less than once a week; but among happy couples, more sex won’t make you happier . And if you’re having sex less often but you’re totally fine with it, that’s between you and your partner(s)—it’s none of anybody else’s business.
How the pandemic has affected our sex lives
The surveys I’ve cited here were all conducted before the pandemic, so they don’t account for any of the ways our lives have changed in the last two years. On the one hand, we have to be more cautious about where and how we find partners; on the other hand, if you already have one, why not stay home and stay in bed?
A survey by the Kinsey Institute , done with the help of Cosmopolitan and Esquire, found that people seem to be less interested in casual hookups these days, yet more interested in expanding their horizons when they do have sex.
So now, we ask you: How has your sex life changed over the past few years? Are you doing it more, less, or differently?
This post was originally published in 2017 and was updated 2/7/2022 at 4:45 p.m. with current numbers. Also, it was updated 2/8/2022 at 12:15 p.m. in response to our query to the CDC about the percentage of women who engaged in anal sex with an opposite-sex partner in the most recent survey. It is 35.1%, not 5.1%.
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