4. Use a fresh condom or clean/sterilize sex toys when sharing
A beginner’s guide to sex
The basics of pleasure, STIs, condoms, and more—we’ve got you covered.
by Stephanie Liao — March 6, 2022 Medically reviewed by Rebekah Bhansali, MSN, CNM
Top things to know about sex:
- Sex can mean different things for different people
- Having sex is not just about having babies, it should also be fun for everyone involved
- Consent means making sure everyone wants to participate, feels safe, and is enjoying the activity the whole time
- Understanding your and your partner’s anatomy will help you both experience pleasure during sex
- STIs are common and nothing to be ashamed about. All STIs are treatable. Many are curable.
We wouldn’t be on this planet if it wasn’t for sex. Although sex is a part of the human lifecycle, many people still find it taboo to discuss. This can cause a lot of confusion and questions.
It takes time to figure out what works for you and what your preferences are. That’s okay! Each of us are on our own timeline and the path to sexual pleasure looks different for everyone.
Do you track your sexual activity in Clue?
Are you curious about sex, but not sure where to start? Here are the very basics of what you need to know.
What is sex?
Sex is an activity that one, two, or more people participate in that causes them to feel aroused (sexually excited). It can involve touch, words, or both. It may involve touching genitals but does not always have to. Often when people talk about sex, they are talking about sexual intercourse or penetrative sex. Sexual activty should be enjoyable for everyone invovled and each person should provide consent throughout the event.
8 things to know about sexual consent
Even if you’ve heard of sexual consent, you might be unsure of.
This means that everyone should agree on what they are comfortable with at the beginning of the activity. If someone changes their mind or decides that they want to stop, it is very important that that person is able to say this and that it is respected. This ensures that it is a pleasurable experience for all involved.
What are the different types of sex?
- Vaginal sex
- Vaginal sex is when the penis rubs or enters the vagina or if two vaginas rub together.
- Also called “oral sex.” The mouth is used to stimulate or pleasure the genitals. This can be done by licking, kissing, or sucking.
- The penis or sex toy is inserted into the anus (butt hole). Lubrication is very important because the anus does not create its own lubrication.
- Hands or other body parts are used to cause a sexual feeling or sensation. This can be nipple stimulation, cuddling, kissing, or rubbing and caressing genitals or other parts of the body.
- Fingering is using fingers to stimulate clitoris and/or putting fingers in the vagina or putting fingers in the anus, to cause sexual senstations. A hand job is using a hand to stimulate the penis.
- Touching your own body parts to cause sexual pleasure. This can be done alone or at the same time as someone else. Sex toys can be used during masturbation, including vibrators, dildos, anal toys, and more.
- Talking, flirting, and sharing images with someone online or through the phone to cause sexual arousal or excitement.
Sex drive: what is it and where does it come from?
Sex drive, sometimes called libido, is the desire to have sex. Hormones, stress levels, and physical and mental health all impact our sex drive (1, 2). Our romantic partners, family, friends, community, and faith/religion may influence our feelings towards sex and pleasure and these can vary throughout our lifetime (1). Some medications that could affect sexual desire by decreasing libido or delaying orgasm are (2, 3):
- Anticholinergics used to treat many conditions related to lungs, bladder, intestine, dizziness and nausea/vomiting
- Hormonal therapy
- Medications to treat high blood pressure
- Mental health medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
Research does not show a direct connection between hormonal birth control and sexual drive (3). However, sexual health is complex. If you feel that a medication you are taking is affecting your sex drive, talk to a healthcare provider. Track your experiences in the Clue app. This can help you determine any effects your birth control is having on your body and libido.
Sexual pleasure and orgasm
Sexual pleasure is not defined in one certain way. Many things can bring enjoyment and satisfaction. Orgasm is an intense sexual excitement. This is one way to achieve sexual pleasure. People with penises experience orgasm when the penis becomes hard and enlarged. This occurs when there is a desire to have sex and a release of hormones in the body. Ejaculation usually occurs during orgasm. People with vulvas experience orgasm when the clitoris (and sometimes the inner and outer labia) is stimulated and becomes swollen.
Just like the penis, the clitoris has a high concentration of nerve endings (4, 5). By touching and massaging these erogenous zones, signals in the body flood the nerves. This can send pleasurable feelings all over the body. Understanding your and your partner’s anatomy is important so that you both experience the highest amount of pleasure during sex.
Communication is also critical. What feels good to you might not feel good to someone else. Talk with your partner about what you do and do not like. It can be fun to experiment to find the most enjoyable touches. Increased communication may also increase intimacy. Masturbation is another way that may help you understand the best techniques for experiencing sexual pleasure.
How to have safer sex
Safer sex is a way to reduce your risk of STIs and pregnancy. Penis-in-vagina sex is the main type of sex that can lead to pregnancy. Pregnancy could also occur if semen reaches the vagina during other forms of sex. STIs can be shared during all forms of sex where bodies and body fluids come in contact.
The top ways to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs):
1. Use barrier methods the correct way every time you have sex. Barrier methods should be used on body parts and toys for any vaginal, anal, or oral sex.
Barrier methods include:
- External condoms (sometimes called “male” condoms)
- Internal condoms (sometimes called “female” condoms)
- Latex or nitrile gloves
- Dental dams
3. Change condoms before switching between oral, vaginal, or anal sex
4. Use a fresh condom or clean/sterilize sex toys when sharing
5. Test for all STIs frequently, and encourage your partner to do the same
Barrier methods significantly lower the risk of getting an STI (6). They work by preventing each partner’s genitals and body fluids from coming into contact with the other partner’s body (7). When used correctly every single time, condoms can also prevent pregnancy about 98% of the time with perfect use and 87% of the time with typical use (8). You should always use a barrier method unless all partners have recently tested negative for an STI, and you are both absolutely sure that neither of you have had sex with anyone else since the test. If you do not want to get pregnant you should use a condom everytime you have sex.
A step-by-step guide on how to have sex
Planning to have sex? Here is a step-by-step guide to the entire act.
Written by Pavitra Sampath | Updated : April 11, 2016 6:36 PM IST
Read this in Hindi.
Having sex can be a lot of fun and very satisfying, but that being said if you are about to try it for the first time and don’t know where to start. Here’s a guide to help you decipher that sexual code — a step-by-step guide on how to have sex.
Step #1: Find out if the person wants to have sex: This is the most important part about a good sexual experience. If one of the partners is not in the mood or does not want to have sex it can lead to the entire process turning sour. Not to mention the fact that it can leave you or your partner with a sense of being violated or used. So, find out if he/she wants to have sex. Some common indicators you should look out for is if the person seems keen on being with you physically, touches you or increases his/her proximity to you. Although these are signs, please remember that you must not misread the signals and sometimes asking is the best way to know. Here are sex positions Indian women love the most.
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Step #2: Be prepared: Sex is a wonderful thing. It s pleasurable and makes you feel happy. It also has a number of other health benefits like helping you burn calories and beating depression. It s no wonder that we are the only species that has sex for pleasure and not solely procreation. But with all that fun come problems like unwanted pregnancies, STDs and emotional setbacks. So being prepared is your best option. Carry a condom, have that contraceptive pill and remember that you need to be mentally ready for the act. Sex brings people closer. That s just the way humans are biologically made. So if you are planning to have a one-night stand or are taking the first step towards a committed relationship remember that you should have your mind in sync with what your body wants. One good way to do this is to talk about it. Ask your partner if they have protection (if you don t, go out and buy some, there are a lot of options to choose from), talk to him/her about what you believe this could lead to and most importantly be honest about how you perceive the act (whether it is something you just want to do for pleasure with no strings attached or something more serious.). Remember, condoms are made for one time use. You cannot use one condom repeatedly so make sure you buy enough, just in case you plan to go at it more than once. Read more about 5 reasons to have sex right now!
Step #3: Choose the location and set the mood: Sex is an intimate act, at least it should be. So pick a spot where both of you will be uninhibited, especially if it s your first time. Pick a place that is private and has a comfortable place to have sex in. A good soft bed with mood lighting always helps the cause (unless you plan to tread on an experimental path). So splurge a little bit. Remember pleasure does come at a cost. Here are 11 songs to get you in the mood for sex.
Step #4:Approach the person gently and do not seem too desperate: Coming on too strongly or being pushy about having sex is one of the biggest turn offs. So don t seem desperate (even if you are dying to be with the person), allow the other person some space to express their feelings as well. You should definitely show that you are interested in getting physically intimate but back off if you feel the other person is not reciprocating. Sex should be a choice so let them choose. If the two of you are close enough you could simply ask him/her. It will be a risk worth taking. Here are 7 tips to get your dream woman to love you!
Step #5: Kiss and caress: The first step towards physical intimacy is kissing. Most women love to kiss and a passionate kiss can definitely put her in the mood for some more. Moreover being close, kissing, touching and caressing your partner helps stimulate their erogenous zones which will lead to more pleasurable sex. It also leads to a stronger sense of closeness and safety two emotions that help a person perform better in bed. So touch him/her, kiss and make your partner wanted. This is also another way to help quell the person s body image issues (if they have any), making them more comfortable in your presence. Here’s a step-by-step guide to kiss a girl.
Step# 6:Have a lot of foreplay: This is where you can either choose to remove your clothes or have your partner undress you. Another way to go about it is to remove one piece of clothing at a time, making the entire process a mystery. When it comes to foreplay, most people think that sex is only penetrative. But the act does include foreplay. Foreplay, as the name suggests is what you do before you have sex. It includes fondling, kissing, stimulating your partner s erogenous zones and oral sex as well. Make sure you get enough of this in. It is often the most enjoyable part of the whole sexual experience because the two of you can experiment with a number of methods. Tip for men: Women can orgasm multiple times. So pleasure your woman, she will definitely be in the mood for some more and thank you for it in more ways than one. Tip for women: Most men love to be touched as well, so make him feel good. Touch him, kiss him and feel his entire body. Don t hold back and don t be the only one hogging all the pleasure. Here are 5 foreplay tips to supercharge your sex life.
Step#7: Pick the right moment: The right moment to have penetrative sex is usually felt and is often mutual. Pick the moment when your partner really wants to move on to the next step. In some cases asking if the other person is ready or if he/she wants more is a good way to know when it s time. Once you know that he/she is ready, take it to the next level. Read more about What s the best time of the day to have sex?
Step #7: Insertion: This is the most hyped part about sex and is often believed to be the only thing that happens during it. But there s nothing further from the truth. In this step the penis is inserted into the vagina. Tip for men: The vagina is an elastic organ present just below the woman s vulva (external lips of her genitals). If you are having protective sex, make sure you wear a condom before you insert your penis into her vagina. A number of men get the position wrong and tend to look around with their penis (try to penetrate without knowing where the vagina is) this can be painful for the woman. So a good way to find the vagina without being embarrassed is to ask your partner to help you. Here are 10 ways to give your woman multiple orgasms
Step#8: Love making: Once the initial penetration is complete, you can choose to have sex however you both are comfortable. Men, make sure you thrust (your penis into her vagina) in rhythmic motions and do it from the hip; this will ensure your woman gets the maximum pleasure. Moving your entire body is counterproductive. Most importantly listen to your partner and your body. Allow yourself to feel pleasure and make sure you take your partner s pleasure into consideration and make her happy too. Tip for women: Be proactive in bed. Move when your man moves. Thrusting can be pleasurable and even more so when you both are doing it in sync and together. Tell your man what you do and don t like. Also, make sure you pleasure him as well. No one likes someone who hogs all the pleasure for themselves. For the ladies, here’s women s guide to first-time sex.
Step #9: Last few moments: Once you both have climaxed or the sex is about to get over, you both will most probably be in a state of elation. Allow yourselves to be in that state for as long as you need to be. Remember this is the phase where you can choose to hold each other or simply be next to each other. Don t rush things; let your body come back to its normal state. Rushed sex can be exciting sometimes but if it is done on a regular basis it can leave you feeling a bit incomplete. Tip for men: Most women like to be held or cuddled at this point. Indulge her. After all she has been a partner in your sexual romp. Tip for women: If you liked the experience, tell your partner that. There is nothing like an ego boost after a good time between the sheets.
Step #10: Winding up: The post coital part can be lovely in some cases and awkward in others. So try to make your partner comfortable. Give him/her a t-shirt to wear, flirt a little and tell him/her how good the experience was. Smile and share a laugh together. This could be the best time to make a good friend or a partner for life. So use the opportunity. After you’ll are done, make sure you’ll wash up. Women, wash your vaginal opening and vulva and men should wash their penis once they remove the condom. Lastly, make sure you dispose of the condom properly. Do not flush it down the toilet. Throw it in a dustbin wrapped in paper or tissue instead.
Discuss tips and tricks to have a sex the step by step guide, click here.
Photo source: Getty images
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