Use language that shares how ED is affecting you (e.g. I’m worried that it’s me or that I’m doing something wrong), suggest Bralove. Opening up like that and sharing those fears honestly, even though–we’ll stress it again–ED is no one’s fault–can help prevent your partner from becoming defensive during the conversation.
A Partner’s Guide to Erectile Dysfunction
When a guy experiences erectile dysfunction it can stifle his self-esteem and confidence, and ratchet up his stress level, especially if he’s worried that his inability to get and keep an erection is a sign of a more serious condition.
But if your husband or boyfriend is dealing with ED, he’s not the only one. Sex is an important part of many couples’ sense of intimacy, so erection issues can dampen your bond outside the bedroom as well as in it.
The first thing to keep in mind: “Erectile dysfunction is no one’s fault,” says psychotherapist Brooke Bralove, LCSW-C, an AASECT certified sex therapist in Bethesda, Maryland.
At the same time, it’s not just a man’s issue, as it can greatly impact both partners. “The first step is to view ED as a shared couple’s issue. Meaning, you can agree upon the narrative that it’s not the fault of anyone, but you can both address it together,” she says.
The next thing to remember: There are plenty of ways to reconnect with your partner while he pursues treatment for ED. Your relationship doesn’t have to suffer if your boyfriend or husband has ED; it could actually grow stronger.
My Boyfriend Has Erectile Dysfunction—What Should I Do?
If your partner or spouse has erectile dysfunction, the most important thing is not to avoid the problem or pretend it doesn’t exist.
Here’s where to start:
Step One: Open up communication
Acknowledging the problem and how it affects both you and your partner can be awkward and emotional. But it’s important to be open and honest with each other.
Start by communicating what you want and need from the intimate part of your relationship. To begin this conversation, give your partner a warning that you two need to talk about something that might be a little uncomfortable, and schedule that in for a time that works for both of you, recommends Bralove. Then, be clear about the issue, but also approach it from a place of empathy, love, and care.
Use language that shares how ED is affecting you (e.g. I’m worried that it’s me or that I’m doing something wrong), suggest Bralove. Opening up like that and sharing those fears honestly, even though–we’ll stress it again–ED is no one’s fault–can help prevent your partner from becoming defensive during the conversation.
Next, ask him to share his own thoughts and feelings. It’s important for you to understand exactly how ED is affecting him, too, as it can be a major source of angst and cause a loss of confidence.
Step Two: Encourage him to visit a healthcare provider
Encourage your partner to make an appointment with a healthcare provider. This can help him identify the potential causes of his ED as well as solutions. Perhaps he wasn’t aware that it’s a side effect of a medication he is taking, for example, and there is an alternative available.
At this appointment, his provider can talk about potential treatment options including medications, or refer him to a urologist.
