How To Deal With Narcissist

Sometimes, ignoring something or simply walking away is an appropriate response — pick your battles, right?

9 Tips for Dealing with Someone’s Narcissistic Personality Traits

Managing a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality traits can affect your well-being and mental health. Try strategies such as setting clear boundaries and relying on a support system of people you can trust.

The term narcissist is tossed around frequently. It is used to describe people who seem self-focused, concerned only for themselves, or manipulative of people in their lives.

Some people may have a mental health condition narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose this condition based on the criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

Other people may exhibit some traits of narcissism but do not qualify for an official diagnosis.

Here you can learn how to cope with a person in your life who has narcissistic personality traits, including what you can do to establish healthy behaviors and boundaries around this person.

We tend to use the word narcissist to describe a person who’s self-centered and short on empathy.

However, it’s important to remember that NPD is a legitimate mental health condition that can create significant challenges for the person living with it. It can also make it harder to others to maintain a relationship with the person.

Still, some people can exhibit narcissistic characteristics without being diagnosed with NPD. These might include:

appearing to have an inflated sense of self-importance
fostering a fantasy world to boost their sense of grandeur
needing constant praise and admiration
having a sense of entitlement
taking advantage of others or exploiting people without shame or guilt
not recognizing or caring about the needs of others
demeaning or bullying others
monopolizing conversations or meetings

To make things more complicated, people with NPD or narcissistic tendencies are often very sensitive to feedback from others. They may react with rage if confronted. They can also turn angry if they feel slighted or ignored.

Here’s a look at some practical ways to deal with someone who has NPD or narcissistic tendencies — plus some tips for recognizing when it’s time to move on.

People without NPD or other similar mental health conditions usually think of a relationship as a selfless equation. It’s about offering something to another person without the expectation of immediate or equal reimbursement.

That’s not typically the case with people with narcissist personality traits. They frequently view relationships as transactional or something that must benefit them.

Indeed, people with NPD are frequently charming, magnetic, and compelling. That can make them seem irresistible, sexy even. But the truth is that people with narcissistic traits often have troubled relationships rocked by jealousy, anger, and abuse.

A person with NPD is not always capable of the reciprocity that is necessary for healthy relationships. They may try to turn their shortcomings or failures around on others. They can be volatile and sensitive in arguments. In some cases, they may also use lies or manipulation to avoid accountability.

That can leave a partner exhausted, drained, and empty. Instead of defending themselves or setting boundaries for their own mental well-being, partners of people with NPD may decide it’s easier to go along with their partner’s demands and manipulation.

Of course, it’s important to note that not all relationships with a person who has NPD will be this troublesome. Some people can improve narcissistic tendencies and develop less one-sided relationships with treatment.

How not to deal with narcissistic tendencies

Confronting a person with NPD about their behaviors is rarely fruitful. In many cases, they will try to maintain the upper hand and are often very resistant to change.

Instead of attempting to “fix” a person with NPD, focusing on your own behaviors and well-being is best. This includes setting boundaries and building a stronger support system of friends, family, and professionals to help you navigate the ups and downs of a relationship with this person.

People often describe a person with a narcissistic personality as charming and likable, which may make it easy to overlook some of their other more harmful behaviors.

However, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the signs of NPD so that they are easier to recognize.

This can also help you better understand the person’s strengths and weaknesses, so you are prepared to navigate any challenges that arise.

Plus, it can be the first step in learning to accept them for who they are and setting more realistic expectations about your relationship.

Talk with a mental health professional or read books written by mental health professionals. This may help you learn the best ways of communicating with your loved one showing signs of narcissistic personality traits.

Building healthy self-esteem can make it much easier to handle and cope with some of the potentially harmful behaviors you may encounter when maintaining a relationship with someone with NPD.

Engaging in positive self-talk, practicing self-care, and finding a healthy support system can help you develop resilience and foster your self-esteem.

Having higher self-esteem can also make it easier to set clear boundaries, be assertive, and advocate for yourself, all of which are key to maintaining a relationship with someone with NPD.

Sometimes, ignoring something or simply walking away is an appropriate response — pick your battles, right?

But a lot depends on the relationship. For example, dealing with a boss, parent, or spouse may call for different strategies than dealing with a co-worker, sibling, or child.

If you feel that your boundaries have been crossed when communicating with someone with NPD, try not to react, get visibly flustered, or show annoyance.

If it’s someone you’d like to keep close in your life, then you owe it to yourself to speak up. Try to do this in a calm, gentle manner.

You must tell them how their words and conduct impact your life. Be specific and consistent about what’s not acceptable and how you expect to be treated, but prepare yourself for the fact that it may be challenging for them to understand or empathize with your feelings.

You may notice that your boundaries are being crossed when dealing with someone with NPD.

Instead of trying to change someone with NPD, it’s best to set boundaries about any behaviors that are unacceptable to you and communicate them clearly to the other person.

You should also enforce these boundaries rather than making idle threats or ultimatums to ensure that you are being taken seriously.

For example

Say you have a co-worker who loves to park their big truck in a way that makes it hard for you to back out. Start by firmly asking them to make sure they leave you enough space. Then, state the consequences for not respecting your wishes.

Such as, if you can’t safely back out, you’ll have their car towed. The key is to follow through and call the towing company the next time it happens.

Practicing skills like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation may make it easier to remain calm and avoid reacting when interacting with someone with NPD.

Becoming clear on your intentions or practicing what you plan to say before asserting your boundaries may also be beneficial.

It can also help you anticipate how they may react to challenging conversations so that you can respond appropriately.

If you can’t avoid the person, try to build up your healthy relationships and support network of people. Spending too much time in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality can leave you emotionally drained.

Rekindle old friendships and try to nurture new ones. Get together with family more often.

If your social circle is smaller than you’d prefer, try taking a class to explore a new hobby. Get active in your community or volunteer for a local charity. Do something that allows you to meet more people you feel comfortable with.

both people listen and make an effort to understand each other
both people acknowledge their mistakes and take responsibility for them
both people feel like they can relax and be their true selves in front of the other

Many people with narcissistic personalities are good at making promises. They may promise to do what you want and not to do that thing you hate or promise to generally do better.

What should you not say to a narcissist?

People with narcissistic personalities can be hypersensitive to criticism and may react with hostility, rage, or aggression if confronted.

While it’s important to set boundaries and communicate clearly, confronting them about their behaviors, calling them a liar, or expecting them to change is unlikely to help.

Can narcissistic personality be corrected?

Narcissistic tendencies can improve with treatment, though this requires a lot of time, effort, and patience.

If you decide to maintain a relationship with someone with NPD during treatment, it’s important to set realistic expectations and healthy boundaries.

What are the four types of narcissism?

There are two main NPD types: Grandiose (overt) narcissism and vulnerable (covert) narcissism. While grandiose narcissism is often characterized by exaggerated self-worth and a need for admiration, people with vulnerable narcissism instead experience feelings of self-consciousness and insecurity.

There are also several other subtypes, including antagonistic narcissism, which is characterized by aggressiveness and feelings of entitlement, and communal narcissism, a type in which people tend to seek admiration for being altruistic or benevolent.

NPD is a serious mental health condition that can make building and maintaining healthy relationships challenging.

Though navigating a relationship with a person with NPD can be difficult, setting clear boundaries, building a strong support system, and practicing skills to keep calm and respond appropriately may be beneficial.

However, keep in mind that it’s also important to recognize when you need help and when it’s time to step away from the relationship.

How to Deal With a Narcissist

Kendra Cherry, MS, is the author of the “Everything Psychology Book (2nd Edition)” and has written thousands of articles on diverse psychology topics. Kendra holds a Master of Science degree in education from Boise State University with a primary research interest in educational psychology and a Bachelor of Science in psychology from Idaho State University with additional coursework in substance use and case management.

Updated on October 14, 2022
Medically reviewed

Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more.

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

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Table of Contents
Table of Contents

Dealing with a narcissist, whether a romantic partner, roommate, or family member, can be challenging. Learning all you can about narcissistic traits and understanding some of the ways to deal with them can help you feel better able to cope.

This article discusses what narcissism is, what it’s like to deal with someone who shows frequent narcissistic behaviors, how their behavior might affect you, and what you can do to care for your own emotional well-being.

What Is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone with an inflated image of themselves. A person with this quality often has such an excessive interest in their own image and appearance that they lack consideration or empathy for others.

Someone with narcissism is highly self-centered, to the point where it hurts the people around them. This makes it important to recognize the signs, enabling you to create a plan to better deal with the narcissist in your life.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people might possess high levels of narcissistic traits or engage in narcissistic behavior frequently. In other cases, people may have a condition known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which can exhibit more extreme behaviors.

Signs You Are Dealing With a Narcissist

Everyone puts themselves first or focuses on their own needs to a certain degree, but narcissists engage in self-centered behaviors much more often and hurtfully. This can be confusing, painful, and damaging to the people who deal with them.

To deal with a narcissist, the first step is to recognize the signs. Some questions you might ask yourself:

Do they lack empathy? People with narcissism are so focused on themselves that they struggle to empathize with other people.
Do they self-aggrandize? Narcissists have an inflated sense of self and are preoccupied with their own importance. They often exaggerate their accomplishments and importance—often to cover up their insecurity and weak sense of self.
Are they unapologetic? Narcissists have little regard for the feelings and needs of others. They won’t apologize for hurting others—unless it benefits them in some way. For example, they may use triangulation to secure their self-esteem and devalue others.
Do they overreact to criticism? People who are narcissistic lash out against even the slightest criticism. Rather than accepting responsibility for their own mistakes, they will blame others.
Are they manipulative? When you are living with a narcissistic, you might often feel like you are being lied to, manipulated, or mistreated. It often seems like they will say and do anything to get what they want and what they think they deserve.

Sometimes, narcissistic characteristics are easy to recognize, but covert narcissism is more difficult to detect. The covert narcissist also has a grandiose sense of importance, exploits others, and lacks empathy, but their narcissistic behaviors are more difficult to spot.

Tips for Dealing With a Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting and stressful. It can make it difficult to be comfortable in your home or workplace and can be detrimental to your mental well-being.

Finding ways to cope is important. Understanding what makes narcissists tick and exploring some key coping strategies can help you manage your relationship with the narcissist while preserving your own mental health. Whether you must deal with a narcissist at home, at work, or in a social setting, these tips can help.

Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Understand that the person you are dealing with may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Experts don’t fully understand what causes NPD, but it is often linked to factors such as genetics, childhood abuse, trauma, personality, and upbringing.

People with NPD can’t change their behavior on their own and might not be able to recognize that there is a problem; they need professional help, but they rarely seek it. You might encourage them to talk to a therapist, but they likely will resist or respond negatively.

The problem is, even if you know that narcissistic behavior such as manipulation and lack of regard isn’t really about you, these behaviors tend to feel like personal attacks. Remind yourself that it’s not personal.

You aren’t to blame for their actions, and you didn’t do anything to cause them. You can encourage them to get help, but you are not responsible for supporting them or fixing their mistakes.

Establish (and Enforce) Boundaries

When you are dealing with a narcissist at home or at work, one of the most important things that you can do is to set firm boundaries. Boundaries are the things that you are willing and not willing to accept in a relationship. They are non-negotiable limits that tell others what counts as acceptable and tolerable behavior.

For example, you might make it clear that you won’t accept behaviors such as rudeness or name-calling when you are communicating with one another. If they engage in this type of behavior, the conversation will end.

Creating boundaries isn’t an effort to change the other person. Instead, these limits clarify that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. Once you set a boundary, it is important to stick with it. If the other person violates it, immediately enact the consequences.

In the example above, immediately end the conversation and walk away as soon as you can. Don’t argue or wait for them to respond. Simply end it.

Likewise, don’t make idle threats or create ultimatums that you won’t follow through on. Failing to enforce your boundaries means that the other person won’t take them seriously. If you enact the consequences, however, they’ll be more likely to believe you when you tell them you won’t accept a behavior.

Example:

“If you continue to talk to me that way, this conversation is over.” The moment they engage in the behavior they have been warned about, leave the situation as quickly (and safely) as you can.

It is also important to be aware that setting and maintaining your boundaries is an ongoing process. Remind people what your boundaries are and keep enforcing them.

Watch for Gaslighting

In dealing with a narcissist, you may have noticed a behavior known as gaslighting. People who engage in this type of manipulation deny reality in a way that causes you to doubt yourself and your experiences.

They might deny saying things or suggest that they were just joking and you are being too sensitive.
They might undermine your confidence by suggesting that you don’t know what really happened or by accusing you of misinterpreting or overreacting to the situation.
In other cases, they might simply deny the things they have done or said.

Dealing with gaslighting isn’t easy, particularly when it is your word against theirs. One way to cope is to keep records of events by writing them down, keeping paper documents that corroborate your experiences, or enlisting others to witness your conversations with the other person. This is particularly important in the workplace, where a competitive narcissist might accuse you of bad or incompetent behavior to curry favor with coworkers and bosses.

When they do try to gaslight you, make it clear that you know what you are doing and that you won’t tolerate it—again, creating a boundary.

Boost Your Self-Esteem

A narcissistic person often undermines others to boost their sense of self. This can be particularly damaging when the person is always running you down in subtle and non-subtle ways. The workplace is especially vulnerable to this kind of behavior.

To help ensure that you have the mental strength to cope, make sure that your self-esteem remains healthy, even in the face of challenges. Keep an assertive attitude; narcissists gravitate toward people who enable their antics.

However, remember that people with low self-esteem, weak boundaries, or a shaky sense of self aren’t the only ones who end up in situations with narcissists. You understandably might be drawn to what seems like confidence and charisma at the beginning of a relationship, but later recognize these traits as narcissism the more you get to know the person.

Keeping your self-esteem high and keeping an assertive stance, even if the narcissist tries to manipulate and undercut you, can help you navigate the more interpersonally harmful behaviors.

Build your own confidence by:

Engaging in positive self-talk
Forgiving yourself for your mistakes
Surrounding yourself with supportive people who believe in you
Advocating for yourself
Treating yourself with kindness and respect

Find Support

Dealing with a narcissist’s dysfunctional and sometimes abusive behavior can be exhausting. Maintaining healthy relationships with others who are caring and supportive is especially important when you have a relationship with a narcissist, whether they’re a roommate, family member, romantic partner, or coworker.

Having other people you can turn to talk about what you are coping with can be a way to get emotional support and perspective. Look for healthy relationships with other people in which you listen to one another. You should feel free to be your real self around them, secure in the knowledge that they accept you for who you are.

At work, resist the urge to gossip and vent; remember, the narcissist is adept at turning your words against you. However, do keep your superior apprised of the narcissist’s behavior privately to help circumvent the narcissist’s efforts to undermine you.

Recap

Social support can help offset the stress of dealing with a narcissist. Confiding in people you trust is an important way to gain support and strength.

When to Leave

Toxic relationships can have a seriously detrimental impact on your mental well-being. If being around the narcissist is causing you distress and making it difficult to function normally, consider ending the relationship. This might mean leaving the situation altogether.

If the situation has turned abusive or otherwise dangerous, seek help as soon as possible. Don’t expect the narcissist to change on their own; the cycle of abuse/love bombing is likely to continue until the narcissist gets the help they need.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Getting Help

Whether you are still living with a narcissist or have gotten out of the relationship, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. Look for a therapist who has knowledge and experience in dealing with narcissism. Your therapist can offer insight and help you better understand your situation and experiences.

They can also help you work on coping and communication skills that will help you effectively deal with a narcissist. For example, they might help you learn to recognize signs of gaslighting, work on establishing clear boundaries, and practice being assertive and standing up for yourself.

A therapist can also help you deal with the emotional aftermath of having lived with a narcissist once you are safely free of the situation. If you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), your therapist can recommend appropriate treatments that can help, which may include psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both.

Recap

Living with a narcissist can take a serious toll on your mental wellness. Talking to a therapist can help you process and understand your experience.

A Word From Verywell

Living with a narcissist isn’t easy. It can be exhausting and difficult, but there are things that you can do to stay strong, supported, and mentally healthy.

Remember that you’re not the problem and don’t take their behaviors personally. Create strong boundaries, protect your self-esteem, and seek out healthy relationships with people who understand what you are going through.

Finally, remember that you don’t have to wait for a relationship to become toxic to end it. Oftentimes, getting out of the situation is the best thing that you can do for your mental well-being.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed. Washington, DC; 2013.
Cleveland Clinic. Narcissistic personality disorder.
Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB. Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness. Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875
Love Is Respect. What are my boundaries?
Thomas L. Gaslight and gaslighting. The Lancet Psychiatry. 2018;5(2):117-118. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(18)30024-5

By Kendra Cherry
Kendra Cherry, MS, is the author of the “Everything Psychology Book (2nd Edition)” and has written thousands of articles on diverse psychology topics. Kendra holds a Master of Science degree in education from Boise State University with a primary research interest in educational psychology and a Bachelor of Science in psychology from Idaho State University with additional coursework in substance use and case management.

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How To Deal With Narcissist

9 Tips for Dealing with Someone’s Narcissistic Personality Traits