How To Have Better Sex

Share on Pinterest Simple lifestyle changes can help to improve erectile dysfunction and reduce anxiety.

How men can improve their sexual performance

Many males are keen to enhance their own and their partners’ pleasure and satisfaction during sex. Tips for doing so include a greater focus on foreplay and open communication, managing stress and other health problems, and possibly using supplements.

However, focusing on sexual performance can lead to anxiety. A set of simple lifestyle changes can help to:

reduce anxiety
improve erectile dysfunction
enhance relationships with sexual partners
increase stamina

These changes can make sex more enjoyable and satisfying for everyone involved.

It is important to note that worrying about getting and maintaining erections is often a key factor in performance anxiety.

A note about sex and gender

Sex and gender exist on spectrums. This article will use the terms “male,” “female,” or both to refer to sex assigned at birth. Click here to learn more.

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The following methods can help to reduce erectile dysfunction, increase stamina, and improve the overall quality of sex:

1. Focus on foreplay

Share on Pinterest Simple lifestyle changes can help to improve erectile dysfunction and reduce anxiety.

Some men believe that penetration is the most important, even the defining part of sex.

However, many who experience erectile dysfunction may be heartened to learn that they do not need an erection to please their partners. In fact, erectile dysfunction can even be an incentive to try new strategies that work better for their partner.

Foreplay can include touching, kissing, and oral sex. Making foreplay last can improve the sexual experience for everyone involved.

Foreplay may be especially important for women. A 2017 study found that very few women — around 18 percent — experience an orgasm from intercourse alone. According to the same findings, 36.6 percent of women said that clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse.

2. Try the start-stop technique

Men who want to last longer during intercourse can try the start-stop technique .

To use this technique, stop sexual activity every time ejaculation feels imminent. Breathe deeply and start again slowly, then stop to delay ejaculation for as long as desirable.

This method can train the body to hold off ejaculation and help a man to feel more comfortable with not ejaculating, even during intense sexual activity.

3. Try something new

Sexual pleasure thrives in an environment of passion and excitement.

If a person has been with one partner for a long time, sex can begin to feel routine, and it may seem increasingly difficult to feel excited, remain focused, or please the partner.

It may help to try a new sexual activity or position or to have sex in a different location. Also, talking about sexual fantasies can make sex more exciting.

In addition, it can help to do something new with a partner outside the bedroom, such as:

cooking together
kayaking or hiking
going to a museum
seeing a new band
trying a new sport

This can help people to feel more connected, and the excitement of the new activity can carry into the bedroom.

4. Manage anxiety and stress

Anxiety and stress can make it hard to get or maintain an erection. These feelings can also distract people from sexual intimacy.

If a man feels anxious about how he will perform sexually, he may feel less excited about sex and less engaged during it.

Strategies for managing anxiety and stress include:

focusing more on physical sensations than sexual performance
exercising
getting more sleep
working to improve relationships
meditating
spending more time on a favorite hobby
going to therapy
taking psychiatric medications

5. Quit smoking

Smoking cigarettes can lead to high blood pressure and other heart-related problems that cause erectile issues.

Smoking is also independently linked to erectile dysfunction. A 2015 analysis of 13 studies on smoking and sexual performance found that quitting smoking often improves sexual function and reduces erectile dysfunction.

6. Open communication

Speaking freely can significantly improve sexual experiences.

If issues related to sex have created tension or worry, it is best to bring this up with a partner. Working together on a solution can help a man to feel less isolated and address any concern or guilt.

A partner may be able to ease fears about sexual dysfunction, and they may have practical suggestions.

7. Address relationship issues

Issues outside the bedroom can lead to sexual dysfunction. For example, a man who feels that a partner criticizes them too much may feel anxious during sex, leading to less satisfying experiences.

8. Get more exercise

Share on Pinterest Regular exercise can improve mental health and reduce anxiety.

Being physically active can reduce risk factors for heart conditions and improve sexual function and overall health.

Conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes can damage nerves and change the amount of blood that flows to the penis. This can make it more difficult to get or maintain erections.

In addition, some men find that regular exercise improves their mental health, reducing anxiety and helping them to feel better about their bodies.

Men can also benefit from exercising the muscles involved in arousal and ejaculation. The following exercise may help:

While urinating, stop the flow of urine. Repeat several times and learn to identify the muscles involved.
When not urinating, try to contract these muscles for 10 seconds. Relax them for 10 seconds, then contract them for another 10 seconds.
Repeat this cycle of contracting and relaxing 10 times each day.

9. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of becoming more aware in the present moment. It is a popular form of meditation for beginners, and it may improve sexual function.

Research published in 2017 suggests that mindfulness-based therapies can change negative attitudes about sex, improve sexual relationships, and help people to be more present during sexual activity.

Mindfulness and meditation can also help to manage stress unrelated to sexual activity. This can indirectly address sexual dysfunction and improve a man’s ability to focus in the moment.

10. Try an herbal remedy

Some herbal remedies may improve sexual satisfaction, especially if erectile dysfunction is a concern. In 2018, researchers published a review of 24 trials involving herbal remedies as treatments for erectile dysfunction.

Ginseng provided significant improvements, while a type of pine called Pinus pinaster and the maca root, or Lepidium meyenii, showed early positive benefits. Other herbs, namely saffron and Tribulus terrestris, did not show clear results.

However, results of a small study published in 2017 indicated that Tribulus terrestris may help with erectile dysfunction.

Before trying herbal remedies, speak with a doctor. Official organizations no not regulate herbal supplements, and they can have side effects or interact with medications.

It is important to see a healthcare provider who is knowledgeable about supplements and who can monitor the progress of symptoms.

11. Consider counseling

Erectile dysfunction is often due in part to psychological factors. These can include:

anxiety and depression
relationship problems
social stigma associated with aging or penis size
untreated mental health conditions
a history of trauma

Individual counseling can help a man to address the role of these and other factors in sexual satisfaction.

Relationship counseling can help partners to speak openly about sexuality without shame or judgment.

When a man has an underlying health issue, for example, counseling can help him to cope with the stress of erectile dysfunction while communicating about options with a partner.

12. Talk to a doctor

Share on Pinterest A doctor may prescribe medication to help with sexual function.

Several medications can help with sexual function, including popular drugs, such as Viagra and Cialis.

Medication can be the most rapid treatment option for some men. If a man taking medication for erectile dysfunction also makes lifestyle changes and participates in therapy, they may eventually be able to stop taking the drugs.

A handful of medications can affect sexual satisfaction, libido, and the ability to have or maintain erections.

Antidepressants, for example, may change the way a man ejaculates and reduce sexual desire. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, may be especially likely to cause sexual dysfunction.

A man who takes drugs with sexual side effects should discuss changing the medication, stopping the treatment, or lowering the dosage with a doctor.

13. Manage chronic health problems

Erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of health issues. It is important to take good care of the body by eating a balanced diet, remaining physically active, and managing stress.

Treating chronic health issues, such as diabetes and heart disease, is also essential. Take medications as recommended and try lifestyle changes that can improve overall health.

If symptoms of these conditions worsen, seek medical care.

12 Tips for Better Sex

Sex isn’t just fun. It’s good for you too. Every orgasm releases a flood of the hormone oxytocin, which improves your mood. Regular rolls in the hay could improve your heart health, reduce stress and depression, improve your self-esteem, and help you sleep better. Snuggling together underneath the sheets also makes you feel closer to your partner and enhances your sense of intimacy.

Communicate With Your Partner

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Couples who talk to each other about their wants and desires have better sex and a healthier relationship, research finds. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like. Share your most intimate fantasies and desires. If you’re too bashful to say those private thoughts out loud, write them down in a story or a journal entry for your partner to read.

Try Something Different

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Spice up your sex life by stretching your boundaries as a couple. Play around with foreplay. Touch each other in new ways. Try out different sex positions to see which ones feel best. Dress up in costumes and play as characters (nurse-doctor, cowboys). Move from the bed to the floor, the bathroom, or the kitchen counter. Watch a dirty movie together. Bring sex toys like a vibrator, anal beads, or feathers into the mix.

Schedule Time for Intimacy

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No matter how much you might want to have sex, your busy schedule can get in the way. So pencil sexy time into your calendar, just like you would other important dates. Then you’ll be less likely to skip it. Setting a date gives you time to prepare and something to look forward to. Book sex as often as is realistic — whether it’s once a week or every other day. Choose times when you know you won’t be tired or distracted.

Exercise

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Working out boosts stamina in bed and puts you in the mood. Exercise also creates a more toned body, which improves self-esteem and makes you feel sexier. It’s not clear how much exercise you need to improve your sex life. Start with the standard recommendations — 150 minutes of aerobic activity and two days of strength training a week.

Take Your Time

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No matter how busy you are, sex is one part of your day that you shouldn’t rush. Don’t skimp on the foreplay. Those extra minutes that you spend touching and kissing each other help get you aroused and make sex more pleasurable. When you slow down, you also get more time to spend with your partner. That’s good for your relationship overall.

Use Lubrication

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Women’s bodies naturally make their own lubricant, but sometimes it’s in short supply. Hormonal changes around the time of menopause can cause vaginal dryness that makes for painful sex. A water-based lubricant is safest to use with condoms. But, silicone-based lubes are less irritating for anal sex.

Be Affectionate

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Not every romantic encounter has to end in sex. You and your partner can find pleasure in many other ways. Take a bath together or give each other a sensual massage. Have a hot make-out session on the couch. Bring each other to orgasm through masturbation. Teach each other how you like to be touched. Or just cuddle.

Relax

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Sex is a potent stress reliever, but it’s hard to get in the mood when you’re all keyed up. After a tough day, do something calming together to relax you. Listen to soft music. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditation. Research shows that mindfulness meditation helps women get more in tune with their bodies during sex.

Do Kegels

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Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support your bladder. They also relax the vagina to make sex more comfortable, improve blood flow down there, and make it easier to reach orgasm. To do these simple exercises, just tighten and relax the muscles you use to hold in pee. And they’re not just for women. Men who practice Kegel exercises have better erections and more intense orgasms.

Plan an Overnight Getaway

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Sometimes all you need to rev up your sex life is a change of scenery. Take a trip together. You don’t have to go far, but certain settings — like the ocean or mountains — are ideal for rekindling romance. Turn off your cell phones and focus on each other. For an extra spark, pretend that you’ve just started dating — or that you’re strangers who’ve met up for a forbidden tryst.

See Your Doctor

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Sometimes the solution to better sex is in your medicine chest. Some drugs, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medicines, can reduce your desire. The problem could also be a medical condition like heart disease, vaginal dryness, multiple sclerosis, or depression. Schedule a check-up to find out whether a health issue might be affecting your sex life. Be honest with your doctor about the problem, so you can find the right answer.

Talk to a Sex Therapist

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A sex therapist is the person to see if something is bothering you in the bedroom. Therapists are licensed psychologists or social workers who can address problems such as a lack of desire, trouble getting an erection, or problems reaching orgasm. You can meet with a therapist alone or together with your partner.

Show Sources

IMAGES PROVIDED BY:

Age and Ageing: “Examining associations between sexual behaviours and quality of life in older adults.”

Egyptian Journal of Dermatology and Venereology: “Foreplay importance from the point of view of a sample of Egyptian women.”

Harvard Medical School: “11 ways to help yourself to a better sex life,” “Benefits of exercise for the prostate and erectile dysfunction help,” “Get back in sexual sync.”

Healthy Women: “Sexual Dysfunction,” “Should You Try a Sex Schedule?”

International Society for Sexual Medicine: “What are Kegel exercises and what sexual health benefits might they have?”

Journal of Health and Social Behaviors: “Is Sex Good for Your Health? A National Study on Partnered Sexuality and Cardiovascular Risk Among Older Men and Women.”

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: “The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples’ sexual and overall relationship satisfaction.”

Mayo Clinic: “Female sexual dysfunction: Symptoms & causes,” “Low sex drive in women: Diagnosis & treatment,” “Sex therapy.”

Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center: “Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health.”

OHSU: “The Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life.”

Psychosomatic Medicine: “Effects of Mindfulness Training on Body Awareness to Sexual Stimuli: Implications for Female Sexual Dysfunction.”

San Francisco City Clinic: “What type of lube is best for anal sex?”

The Journal of Sexual Medicine: “The Association of Exercise with Both Erectile and Sexual Function in Black and White Men,” “Yoga in Premature Ejaculation: A Comparative Trial with Fluoxetine.”

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services: “Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans.”

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How To Have Better Sex